Emotional Day for Me.

As I looked at my little piece of paper with August 26h, I semi-dreaded it. I mean the last thing any pregnant mom wants is an amnio. I dreaded the needle, the unknown and being alone. I was worried more for my baby boy than myself.

Since it is now over with, I can say, it happened so fast and was painless. I did get to see awesome shots of the baby and his little face and in depth photos of his features. I also learned that Dr. Wallace was no longer worried about me having Accreta, which would cause severe bleeding during delivery. Baby boy hit the 6 lb mark and he is doing perfectly. Dr. Belkin came in today and if his lungs are mature, they will deliver on Monday.

I did meet my one "neighbor" with the screaming kids that come to visit. The poor thing is pregnant with twin girls and has twin boys at home that are 18 mos old. It was nice to put a face to a voice that you hear all the time. I am so thankful to my friends and family that call all the time and the texts. They make my day. I look forward to seeing Dave and Madison later on and hopefully hearing good news today. I am really not looking forward to my daily egg salad sandwich for lunch.

Thankful.

I can't seem to put my fingers on exactly how I am feeling today. I do cry each day, atleast once. It is quite lonely being by yourself and not knowing what is going on. The most painful part is not being home with my family. I miss Madison so much, even her whining. I even miss the crazy dogs and their barking. It is hard giving up all control of your household, down to what my child is eating all day.

My daily Dr. visits continue. I am put on the fetal monitor for an hour 4x a day. I have been here for so many days that I know all the nurses schedules, down to the exact minute housekeeping comes in the morning and exactly when I should be expecting each meal. I know what time I have to wake up in the morning based upon which nurse is working. Dahlia lets me sleep, as does Barbara, bless them. I must say, the Temperpedic beds are extremely comfortable and I even get new sheets each day.

I have been through 2 IVs already and am due for another one tonight. Wow, my life has come to remembering exactly how many times I get pricked and prodded each day. Even Colin, yes I released his name to the nurses, is getting fed up being here. Each time the fetal monitors are on him, he kicks, throwing the pads out of place. He has it all figured out already.

Now on to the point which gave me the spark to write tonight. I am forever grateful for all of my visitors. Dave and Maddie generally come each day, but it is hard with Dave having to work as well. Thankfully he is on vacation this week, because I am definitely stressing over Maddie's birthday party at the aquarium in 2 days. Each time my in room phone rings I get excited to see who is calling. The thoughtful calls, conversations, texts and notes are so appreciated. It gets very lonely staring outside, not being able to enjoy the heat or be out in "society." I am not quite sure how inmates make it through for all those years.

Anyway, I am thankful for my family and friends for their unconditional care, love and words. Tears come to my eyes when my Maddie comes running in the room saying "she doesn't want to be at mommy's Dr. (as she refers to the hospital). Sadly, I have also come to know an extremely selfish and self-indulged person as well. Apparently, you need to "notify" people of pregnancies, not just be excited or overjoyed for them. I guess we all know people like that, but you never expect it to be your own "family."

As Maddie's birthday approaches along with our 5 year anniversary I ask God to protect and watch over my family and myself. I am not only thankful, but blessed, to be so loved.

Aug. 6. 2011: A Few Words of Wisdom

Today is Saturday, and an uneventful one at that. I normally would not become "one" of those bloggers but today I gained some wisdom from my OBGYN who shed new light on my well being.

She came into my hospital room, for our daily chat and check up. As I asked cautiously when I may be departing Monmouth Medical Center (mind you, it has only been two days) she says "I would start blogging if I were you." Naturally, I got her drift, that I was most likely not leaving any time soon. So it came to be. I write and when I write, it exhausts my boredom and sadness.

A little bit of history about why I am here...at 20 weeks the Dr. determined that I had complete Placenta Previa. The placenta was so attached to my prior c-section scar that he was quite concerned that it would not budge, making bed rest in my future along with limited activity. I took that all in and it all made sense to me. I am carrying so low to where walking 10 feet is painful. A "normal" placenta is located at the top of a woman's uterus when pregnant, not the bottom. I was warned of all the possible situations and risks; uncontrollable bleeding, hemorrage, bed rest, hospitalization and lower back pain from the baby lying transverse. At the time, I thought "I can do this." And I did for awhile. Now, they continued to watch my progress every two or three weeks and nothing changed. So, I knew well in advance that baby boy would be delivered at 36 weeks via c-section. Otherwise there is a very high risk of bleeding.

So, on August 4th, after coming home from school, and picking up Maddie's items for her birthday party, I was not feeling too hot. It was around 2pm when I had my second episode of bleeding. Thankfully Dave was home. I guess when you call the Dr. and she tells you to head immediately to L and D with a bag, it could never necessarily be good. As I sat in Triage completely out of it, just hoping everything was okay, my mom came in. Yes, mom who would come running anywhere for anything at any time of the day. She comes with breads since there was an Amish stand set up in the hospital parking lot. She forced me to eat the hospital food claiming it is "always" good. The smell alone just turned my stomach. To please her I ate the steamed veggies. 

As I put my gown on, I think it hit me that I was being admitted. While all of this was going on I was thankful that my mom was with me. Dave had to bring Maddie to my mother and father in-laws until we figured out what was going on. Bless them for taking her. We are so grateful for them. Sure enough off I went to Antepartum, "Ante" as it has become known to me. My room overlooks the back of the building toward the Long Branch train station. I have my own bathroom and am on room confinement. Yes, I cannot leave my dungeon, even by wheelchair. This is going to be interesting.