Thankful.

I can't seem to put my fingers on exactly how I am feeling today. I do cry each day, atleast once. It is quite lonely being by yourself and not knowing what is going on. The most painful part is not being home with my family. I miss Madison so much, even her whining. I even miss the crazy dogs and their barking. It is hard giving up all control of your household, down to what my child is eating all day.

My daily Dr. visits continue. I am put on the fetal monitor for an hour 4x a day. I have been here for so many days that I know all the nurses schedules, down to the exact minute housekeeping comes in the morning and exactly when I should be expecting each meal. I know what time I have to wake up in the morning based upon which nurse is working. Dahlia lets me sleep, as does Barbara, bless them. I must say, the Temperpedic beds are extremely comfortable and I even get new sheets each day.

I have been through 2 IVs already and am due for another one tonight. Wow, my life has come to remembering exactly how many times I get pricked and prodded each day. Even Colin, yes I released his name to the nurses, is getting fed up being here. Each time the fetal monitors are on him, he kicks, throwing the pads out of place. He has it all figured out already.

Now on to the point which gave me the spark to write tonight. I am forever grateful for all of my visitors. Dave and Maddie generally come each day, but it is hard with Dave having to work as well. Thankfully he is on vacation this week, because I am definitely stressing over Maddie's birthday party at the aquarium in 2 days. Each time my in room phone rings I get excited to see who is calling. The thoughtful calls, conversations, texts and notes are so appreciated. It gets very lonely staring outside, not being able to enjoy the heat or be out in "society." I am not quite sure how inmates make it through for all those years.

Anyway, I am thankful for my family and friends for their unconditional care, love and words. Tears come to my eyes when my Maddie comes running in the room saying "she doesn't want to be at mommy's Dr. (as she refers to the hospital). Sadly, I have also come to know an extremely selfish and self-indulged person as well. Apparently, you need to "notify" people of pregnancies, not just be excited or overjoyed for them. I guess we all know people like that, but you never expect it to be your own "family."

As Maddie's birthday approaches along with our 5 year anniversary I ask God to protect and watch over my family and myself. I am not only thankful, but blessed, to be so loved.